I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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