that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
