Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
