You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
