Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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