I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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