I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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