I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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