Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
