The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
