R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
