if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your penis caused this!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
