Don't make out with my wife yet
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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