worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
