considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
