I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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