my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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