3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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