I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
