This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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