Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
