So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
