I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
