Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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