found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize