If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
