so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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