My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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