Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
