I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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