If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
