Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
