i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
