Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
