Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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