Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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