I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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