Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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