Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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