dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize