you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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