where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
