I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
