Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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