I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dicks are not precious.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
