I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
