my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
