he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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