So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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