White coat. Heels.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My penis needs a shock collar
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
