I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize