So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its not stalking. its research.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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