whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
