first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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