that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize