Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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