A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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