I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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