You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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