i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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