today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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