Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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