dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
