hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize