I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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