you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize