My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
