I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
