It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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